Episode 183: Worthiness Wounds Part 1: The Conditioning

You are listening to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast episode 183, Worthiness Wounds Part 1: The Conditioning.

Welcome to the Overcome Pornography For Good podcast where we take a research-based, trauma informed and results focused approach to quitting porn. This approach has been revolutionary and changed thousands and thousands of lives. I’m your host, Sara Brewer. 

Hey, everyone, welcome to today’s podcast episode. I am excited to do this two-part series with you all on worthiness wounds. Honestly, we could make this probably into a five-part series. Let’s just see. I’ve got two episodes outlined, and there might be more because there’s a lot we could talk about. I mean, this could be a whole coaching program. I would actually love to do a coaching program around worthiness and healing wounds. So, maybe that’s in the future. 

So, worthiness wounds, what I mean when I say worthiness wounds, it’s like a wound inside of you that comes from the belief that you are not worthy, that you are not good enough, that you have to do X, Y, and Z to be worthy, to be enough. It’s a wound of never feeling worthy. 

Now, in this series, I’m going to specifically be talking to men. I know it’s not only men who listen to the podcast, and it’s going to be applicable for you, however you identify. But a lot of my examples and talking will probably be geared towards men and worthiness wounds in men. 

And worthiness wounds in all of us are really high, especially depending on how you grew up, depending on the conditioning you received, what were you hearing when you were young, when you were little? Were you hearing that you’re enough? You’re loved exactly how you are? Did you feel like you could show up exactly how you are and be safe? Could you have anger? Could you be sad? Could you cry? Could you fail? Could you get bad grades and still be loved and enough? 

Or when you cried, when you were mad, when you weren’t doing well in school, was there some shame behind it and some punishments or being told, “Okay, well, you got to pick it up so that you can be good enough,” right? These worthiness wounds are everywhere. 

So I want to speak about the worthiness wounds in men, because, like I said, they’re high for everyone, and especially they’re high for men. These worthiness wounds for men, where you’re very conditioned, that you have to prove that you’re worth existing, that your existence, that you’re living your life in a way that is worth existing. You have to prove your existence, prove that you’re doing enough. 

We live in a society where fame, success, and more masculine strengths like toughness, strength, they’re really valued. A lot of men receive the messaging that, guess what? It’s your job to protect and to provide. And I actually really like that. Like we can heal that and use it to be really beautiful. Like that can be a really beautiful part of you, is a protector and a provider. And we’re actually going to dive into that in the second part that I’m really excited to talk about. 

But sometimes if there’s worthiness wounds behind it, it can hurt. The conditioning is, I am more worthy if I’m more successful. The more money I have or the more successful I am in my career, the higher positions I hold, the more people look up to me. Oh, that’s when I can finally breathe. I’m enough. I’m enough. And not even just enough, but like, I’m really good. I’m really worthy. I’m a really good person. I’ve done it. I’ve accomplished it. I’ve won at life. 

You know, the more positions I have, the more money I have, the more I’m able to provide and give my family all of these things. It’s better to live in a big house than it is to live in a small apartment, right? That’s the conditioning. The more positions I hold in my church, right? Even if I’m not going to admit it out loud, I know that if I hold more positions in the church, I’m a more worthy person. I’m like, I’m really doing it. I’m successful. I’m enough. 

This drives a lot of people to do big accomplishments. If I can run an ultra marathon, if I can do 50 miles, if I can do an Ironman, then maybe I can feel enough. I can get some praise, or I can finally feel good about myself if I can accomplish this thing. Like really seeking to accomplish things in order to feel enough. 

And all my guys here in the program who have done those big marathons, you know, like Koji, who I just recently interviewed, talked about he did those ultra marathons because it would help him feel like he was enough, like he was finally good enough. That was all coming from worthiness wounds. 

I see it in a lot of young guys who maybe the culture around them is that you get married young, and then you’re just in charge and it’s your job to provide, and now you have to buy a house. And so it’s like these young 20-year-old guys, all right, now we’ve got to get into a house, now we’ve got to have a baby, and we’ve got to accomplish, accomplish. I’ve got to climb the ladder. I’ve got to do all the things. If I can just reach this position in my company, I can relax. If I can get a house, I can relax. 

Now, the problem is that it never stops. And you think that the worthiness wound is going to be solved by you reaching that thing. Even like getting married, I will feel worthy. Once I’m finally married, I can just relax and breathe. But that doesn’t happen. What happens is then it’s the next thing. I have to have a house. Now I have to have the career. Now I have to know exactly what I’m doing. I have to have this much money. I have to retire. 

It just goes on and on and on because worthiness wounds are not solved by accomplishment. In fact, they become deeper wounds if you’re just playing into that wound that I have to accomplish in order to be worthy. The only way a worthiness wound is solved and fixed and healed is through inner work, through changing how you believe about yourself, and really changing how you see the world. 

This is hard work when you’ve been conditioned since a tiny little kid, a tiny little boy, right? What’s some of the messaging that a lot of men get? You’re the man of the house now. To be a man equals all of these things. You have to rewrite how you see the world. 

What I really want to do is I want to make the argument for you today on why that is so worth it for you, for your family, for society. I think, I really genuinely believe that so many problems in our world, power-hungry people, the harm, the hurting, the hatred, the root of it is going to be worthiness wounds in the people that are doing the harm. Worthiness wounds are shame, right? Shame is another good word for that. 

So again, this messaging that you have to do X, Y, or Z to be enough is everywhere. And it’s not your fault if you have these worthiness wounds, okay? So we’re bringing some awareness to it, trying to heal it. It’s not your fault if you have this. So I want you to be careful to not be like, oh shoot, now I have these worthiness wounds and what’s wrong with me because I just never feel good enough. I’m prideful. I just want the money and I just want the success. 

We’re not going to go there, okay? We all have experienced this. It’s not your fault that you have them. And you are the only one who can heal them going forward. I love the example that’s like when you’re born, you have this big garden and while you’re growing, you can’t tend to a garden when you’re a kid. You don’t know how to. So you have adults planting things in your garden and planting plants and flowers or weeds or not taking care of the garden, it’s just overrun. 

And so you can’t take care of this garden when you’re young. When you grow up and now you’re aware of your garden and you see this garden, now you can go in there and you can cultivate whatever garden it is you would like, but it’s not your fault that maybe it’s been mismanaged. It’s not your fault that maybe there are some plants in there that you don’t really want. 

But now that you’re an adult, you can go in and you can create whatever garden you want. So it’s your fault if it stays like this, and I don’t even like saying it that way. Let me try again because that feels like shaming, you know? It’s not your fault. It’s like if you want something different, you now get to. 

And even, you know, sometimes it sucks because maybe someone really mismanaged your garden and it’s just overrun. And to pull it all out, it’s going to be a lot of work and it’s going to be difficult. And maybe there’s even some plants in there that are thorny and they hurt and they poke you and you’re going to be out there sweating. And yeah, it would be easier if someone would have just taken care of it or if someone would have just put good things in there instead of hard things in there. 

And for some of us, that’s just not what we get. Most of us, every single adult is going to have things that they’re going to want to change in their garden. Some of us, it’s a little bit more work than others to rip it all out and plant something new. 

But I am begging you, from my end of the microphone I am begging you to please look at your worthiness wounds. Because sometimes I talk about this with people. I’m thinking about a conversation I had recently where this person is just talking about like, if I can just make money, if I can just be successful, everyone in my family is successful. And I feel so much pressure to also be successful. This is my money goal and I want to make this much money. 

And I told him, I was talking about worthiness wounds in this context. And listen, I know you want that. And the truth is money is not a bad thing to search for or to go after. It’s just if money is what you’re searching for to finally feel good about yourself, it’s going to be empty. And I told the story of how I had once reached this goal I’d been working towards forever, a business goal, and I hit it and I didn’t feel any different. 

And I thought it meant I was going to feel safe. I thought it meant I was going to feel successful. I thought it meant I was going to, yeah, like safety is really what I wanted to feel. Like, oh, okay. We’re okay. We’re good. We’re good. We’re not going to have to go live back with my parents in their basement. 

And there was a certain level of safety that I felt in having a stable income, but it did not bring the safety and it did not bring the worthiness. And I fell into a really deep depression because it was truly like, oh my gosh, I’m just always going to feel this way. I’m just always going to feel bad. I’m always going to feel scared. I’m always going to feel not good enough. There is nothing that will ever fix this because I thought that reaching this goal would fix this and it didn’t. And it didn’t. And you’ll hear people talk about this who have kind of gone through this process. 

But anyways, I was sharing the story with this person and it just totally went over their head. And the comment was, well, yeah, that would be a nice problem to have. That would be a nice problem to have, right? And I get it. Yeah, just some of us have to learn it through experience and some of us can heal it a little bit quicker than having to go through the whole process. 

But I’m begging you to really look at this and take it seriously, these worthiness wounds, okay? Because here’s how they show up. If you have worthiness wounds. Here’s how they show up. And I’m thinking about the model. 

So I think it’s been a minute since I’ve talked about the model on the podcast. Let me give a quick little recap for those of you who might not be aware of it. The basic idea, you have circumstances in your life. Circumstances are neutral. They are factual, period. Circumstances do not cause feelings. A circumstance would be like X amount of money in the bank account. You weigh X amount. You have X amount of muscle. I view porn X amount of times. Factual. They do not cause any emotion. 

Then you have your thoughts about the circumstance. And then you have feelings after your thoughts. So your feelings come from your thoughts. Your feelings do not come from the circumstance. Your feelings come from the thoughts about the circumstance. 

We know this is true because let’s say the circumstance, the fact is it’s raining outside. Someone’s going to be super excited. Another person is going to be so sad about it. And it’s because they have different thoughts about it. One person is thinking, ah, I love the rain. We need the rain. It’s so refreshing. It feels so good. The other is thinking, ah, this ruins all my plans. I was going to go out and mountain bike today. I can’t anymore. It’s so gloomy, I hate it. Right? 

So thoughts create feelings. Feelings drive actions. So thought, feeling, action, all of your feelings are going to drive some actions. And so let’s put worthiness wounds into the model and talk about this for a minute. If your thought is something like I’m not enough or I have to prove that I’m worthy, I have to prove that I’m worthy of existing here. It means I have to work a lot. I have to accomplish a lot. 

Now, what feeling do you get from worthiness wounds? A big one is pressure. Pressure, pressure, pressure. And some of you have had these worthiness wounds, especially like with the porn stuff. And those of you who viewed porn when you were young, and then you had worthiness wounds slapped onto you for it. Like there is something wrong with you. Don’t do that. You’re not worthy if you look at porn. If you masturbate, oh, that’s horrible. 

You know, we’ve had these, maybe they’re deep and this pressure, some of you might not know what it’s like to not even have the pressure. You just feel the pressure everywhere you go. But pressure is a result of worthiness wounds. So I want you first off to start being aware of when you feel pressure. And then once you recognize that you’re feeling pressure, let’s just try to be aware. Ask yourself, is there a worthiness wound here that is causing this pressure? 

Now, what does pressure cause you to do? What are the actions that we take from feeling pressure? There can be a number of things, but I will tell you, none of them are good. And this is why I’m begging you to look at your worthiness wounds and not just be like, oh, well, that’d be a nice problem to have. You know, I’ll still just try to make all the money and have all the positions and then see if that really does fix it. I’m begging you to not do that. 

And let’s look at it because if you’re living your life from this pressure, what are you going to do? Let’s give some examples. A lot of times, like for me, I freeze under pressure. It’s like a shut down and my body just, you know, shuts down. I’m not able to do things. I just lay around, play a lot of video games, binge Netflix, whatever that is. Pressure for a lot of people causes them to freeze and shut down. 

It can also go the other way where you overextend yourself. I do this as well, right? So feeling pressure and then you overextend, you do more than you’re really capable of. You’re working late, long hours into the night, just trying to prove yourself, trying to be enough. 

When you’re feeling pressure, your work is like half or more productive than when you’re not feeling pressure. So when you’re feeling pressure, you’re making mistakes. It’s like very anxious energy. So you might be spending tons of time working on something, but maybe it’s probably not going very well because the energy behind what you’re creating is anxious energy and it’s not creating something that’s of value. 

Working late hours into the night. Maybe you exhaust yourself by doing the ultra marathons, just trying to release the pressure to feel good enough. Maybe you feel a lot of guilt about resting. And of course, because this podcast is Overcome Pornography for Good, so let’s talk about this in terms of pornography. Pressure is going to cause you to view more porn. And I know you guys all know this, right? Pressure builds. Escape. How do we escape? We use porn. We use porn to escape. We use porn to escape this pressure. We use porn to maybe feel enough for a minute. 

So you’re not going to solve this by reaching the goals and by doing more. You’re going to solve this by healing the worthiness wounds, which are beliefs that tell yourself that you’re not until you do X, Y, or Z, or until you accomplish the things. 

Now, when you get rid of the pressure in your life, and instead of operating out of worthiness wounds, let’s say, I don’t know, love, we can put love in the feeling line. You’re operating out of love, or you’re operating out of joy, or you’re operating out of, what’s another good one? I’m trying to think what’s the opposite of feeling a ton of pressure on your chest. You’re operating out of the opposite of that, of peace. What are your actions going to be? 

Now, sometimes when I say this, people are like, well, if all this pressure was gone, I would not be doing the things that I should be doing. And I always think that’s so fascinating. And so like, yeah, maybe if the pressure was gone, you would not be doing all of the things that you are doing now. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. 

Maybe instead, you would be doing work that you actually align with and that you love. Instead of the work that feels like pressure to provide and to have the big house and have all the things. Maybe you would stop training for the ultra marathons. I don’t know, I just keep using that example. But it could be a number of things. And ultra marathons aren’t a bad thing, I think they’re amazing. But if the energy behind it is that you have to prove that you’re enough, oh, that’s going to hurt you. It’s going to hurt you. 

But yeah, maybe you stop doing that. And instead I love my body and I’m going to move my in ways that help it be healthy and strong, but it’s not from a place of this strong pressure. 

So yeah, your actions might change, your life might change, what you’re doing. But is that a bad thing? No, it’s truly not. And I’m always going to make this argument because I see this so much in my life, and when you get rid of the pressure you’re much more productive around the things that actually matter. 

And you’ll probably be more successful in whatever career or whatever it is that you want to do. Because now, if you’re creating a business out of pressure, I have to prove that I’m enough, I have to make enough money and that’s why I’m building this business, you’re not going to put out a very good product, you’re not. And you’re going to come off as salesy and gross. It’s going to be icky energy. 

But if your energy, there’s no pressure. You’re not operating out of worthiness wounds and it’s just this is like my desire. This is what I love. This is what I feel called to do in my life. You’re going to have so much more success. You genuinely are. People are going to feel it, they’re going to want to be around you. You’re going to create something amazing, not create something that will get you money. You’re going to create something that will give value to other people. 

It’s the same with your job, like whatever your career is. This is when people also are able to work less hours, but be much more productive. One of my favorite mantras is I get more done in 20 hours a week than most people do in 40 hours a week. And that’s something I really try to do. But whenever the pressure comes up, and I’m feeling pressure on my chest, it takes me twice as long to do stuff. 

Let’s keep talking about the results of worthiness wounds because I really want you to understand, not only are worthiness wounds hurting you and making you less productive, not that productivity is even everything, but I’m using that because a lot of us, it’s still conditioned in us that we have to be productive. 

But it does make you less productive. Worthiness wounds make you less productive. It’s going to create a lot more buffering activity, right? Porn, you’re going to view more porn. And it doesn’t help you accomplish more of the things that actually matter because guess what? You’re going to reach these things, you’re going to reach these positions or make this money, it’s not going to make you feel better. It’s not. 

But it doesn’t just hurt you, it hurts others. Especially those in your immediate family. And again, I’m kind of speaking to men in this podcast episode, but this is a really common conflict that you see in marriages that I think every marriage kind of has to work through, a heterosexual marriage, where there’s a man and a woman and like the men have been really conditioned to accomplish, accomplish. And it really leaves their spouse in shitty places. It does. 

It just does because when you have worthiness wounds, you’re spending excessive time outside of your home to prove that you’re good enough. And I want you to think about what that does to your spouse if you’re married and in a heterosexual marriage. If you have a full time job, and you’re trying to climb the ladder and you’re spending a lot of time just trying to prove and prove that you’re enough. 

Or maybe you’ve got a full time job, and then you’re doing these ultra marathons because your worthiness wound is just driving you to prove that you’re enough and to accomplish. And you’re doing this and then you have a spouse at home, alone with kids. Like that just hurts her. It does. It just hurts her because you have this worthiness wound that’s just driving you to get praise. 

And I say this lovingly. Like it’s okay. It’s okay if you’ve been here, that’s driving you to feel enough. All that does is it hurts your spouse, especially women who there’s so much conditioning already, they’re taking on all the emotional labor at home, all of the mental labor at home. It’s not fair already. And then the worthiness wounds just make it worse for your spouse. It genuinely does. 

Worthiness wounds will cause you to be very defensive. So if your spouse is trying to have conversations with you about, hey, I need more help or I know you’re doing this, but I need you to take more of the mental load off. Some of you might not know what I mean by that. When I say mental load, right, so there’s the actual doing of the things in the house. But then there’s someone who has to be thinking about all the things that need to get done. 

So the mental load would be like, oh, we need more diapers. I need to make sure we have diapers for tomorrow so that we don’t run out. Oh, I have to register the kids for school, I have to register them for sports, got to make sure that their jerseys are clean, got to make sure that they get their doctor appointments scheduled. It’s like there’s different work in the home. It’s not just taking the kids to the doctor appointment. It’s thinking about it and planning for it and researching doctors and making sure you’re aware of the shots. There’s so much mental stuff behind it. 

So if your spouse is coming to you trying to have these conversations about more help that they need, worthiness wounds are just going to cause you to feel really defensive about your contribution, right? And so if anyone might be triggering that you’re not doing enough, whoa, I don’t like that. What do you mean I’m not doing enough? That’s all I’m trying to do in my life, is to prove that I’m enough. That’s why I’m doing all these things. Don’t you understand? It’s because I’m just trying to be enough and it seems like I’m never enough because here you are telling me, right? 

It’s just very defensive. And so instead of listening and really doing what matters, which is becoming a partner, your worthiness wounds are triggered and you think they demand too much or they’re nagging me too much. 

Worthiness wounds hurt other people because it causes you to lie and hide some of your own behaviors, whether that’s like if you need a break because you’re just exhausted. But you feel like you don’t deserve a break, you’re going to lie and hide about that. You’re going to be exhausted when you are home. There’s not going to be much for you to give in these places that really matter the most. 

There’s that porn shame cycle. There’s all of these issues and relationships with the pornography and escaping with the pornography because of these worthiness wounds. And then at a really extreme, the worthiness wounds can turn into abusive behaviors, which we need to do a whole other podcast episode on. 

And so again, I’m begging you, I’m begging you, don’t take the hard route to learn the worthiness wound stuff. Are you willing to heal it now? You can start doing this by asking yourself, where do I feel all this pressure? How often do I feel pressure in my life? What is the belief behind these pressures? Where am I just seeking to do things to feel better about myself? Why can’t I feel enough exactly how I am? What do I need to do to change this in me so I can feel enough? 

Can you imagine what a gift that would be for your family and your kids if you could do that? So much more of a gift than proving that you’re enough by having enough money or having enough church positions or career positions. 

Okay, one more thing I want to talk about in this episode. One more result of worthiness wounds. And I’m going to use this term here, and hold on with me, sometimes this term can be triggering. But another result of worthiness wounds is what some people call in quotes, “toxic masculinity.” 

Now hear me out, masculinity is not toxic. It’s not. Masculinity is amazing. And it’s beautiful. And it’s protective. And I love it. I love that energy. We’re in desperate need of this healed, strong, beautiful masculinity. But toxic masculinity is caused by worthiness wounds. And it hurts the world way more than it helps the world. 

So here’s what toxic masculinity is. Toxic masculinity is created by rigid rules around what a man should be. What it means to be a man, right? And so what comes from toxic masculinity is going to be stuff like emotional insensitivity. A lot of men are unwilling to share emotions. It makes them look weak. We’re going to keep a stone cold face. We’re not going there. That’s toxic masculinity. 

Ridiculing feminine traits. So if another man has “more feminine” traits, even just something like compassion or empathy or crying, right? You’re ridiculing that. That’s toxic masculinity. That’s a result of worthiness wounds. You’ve been told what a man should be and you’re not enough if you’re a man in this way. And so you ridicule people who have more feminine traits. That’s wrong. That’s wrong. We need to stop doing that. 

Another result of toxic masculinity is refusing to help with household duties because it’s women’s work or feeling like it’s less than to be a stay at home dad. Like one thing that I see here is the man’s like, I don’t know how to work the laundry machine. I can’t do it because I don’t do it. And you know how to do it and I just don’t. But when it comes to yard work and using all the tools in the yards, they can figure it out, right? And the toxic masculinity messaging is that it’s better for me to go and do yard work than it is for me to do laundry. 

Toxic masculinity leads to sexism. It leads to entitlement. It leads to aggression. It leads to homophobia and transphobia and to really excessive competitiveness. 

Now, listen, men have it tough. Men have it tough. And I do what I do, you know, we have women here and I love women. You know, I’m really a feminist at heart. I am. If you can’t tell, which means that I just want women to have equal opportunity. I’m like a feminist, like women should be able to vote. They shouldn’t be put into boxes. And I love men. I do. That’s why I do this work. Honestly, truly. 

And I see how tough men have it and want to offer some empathy here. Well, we all have it tough. We’ve all grown up under these systems that favor strong masculinity and teach toxic masculinity and favor that over softness or other more feminine traits. And a lot of men were just, they were conditioned and these worthiness ones were just like hammered into you. 

I have to be a strong man to be good enough. I have to make enough money to be good enough. I have to hold these positions in my church to be good enough. I have to prove my worthiness. I have to prove my existence. I have to be the strongest in my family. I have to take care of everyone in my family. Like, can you feel that pressure? Oh my gosh. 

And when I’m like, oh, like my heart goes out to men because they have this, oh, it hurts. And then we live in this society that’s doing a good job of trying to help this and to heal this and to create equal rights for women and all of these things. But sometimes what comes off in that is, and men, you’re still not good enough. And you actually really suck. And I hate men. Men suck. We don’t even need men. Right? 

And so it’s like, okay. And like, I can see how it’s just exhausting, right? What I want to invite you to do is to let go of the pressure, to have empathy for yourself. And instead of becoming hard because of how difficult these worthiness wounds have been, I want to invite you to become soft and open up to maybe, just maybe what I’ve been taught about what it means to be good enough, or what I’ve been taught about what it means to be a real man isn’t true. 

Because what’s available to you as you heal this is peace just knowing that you don’t have to prove yourself. You’re enough. I don’t have to prove myself is trust. You’re going to be taken care of, right? Just like when you were a little kid, like for those of us who grew up in healthy homes and you could trust, you just know, someone’s going to take care of you. You go to sleep and you just know that your mom’s there. She’s going to take care of you. You can feel that now as an adult too. That’s available to you as you heal. Just trust you’re going to be taken care of. 

You can live from desire. Like what is it that you really want that actually lights you up instead of living from a place of having to prove your place of existence? I know some men, they’re like, all I want to do is be a dad. Like genuinely, I just love it. And I wonder what it would be like for me to just get to be at home and be a dad and use my creativity in that space and doing fun things with my kids. But they haven’t even considered it because what would my parents think? What would society think? I’d be the only dad at the playground alone. It’s silly. 

What’s available to you is freedom, liberation. I can just be, I’m free. What’s available to you as you heal this is power. Please hear me as I say this, when you are living from worthiness wounds, you are not powerful. You are wounded. You’re not helping people. You’re hurting people. You’re not just hurting yourself, you’re hurting people when you’re living from worthiness wounds. 

And let me again say this is a process and don’t shame yourself for living from this. I’m just really trying to express the gravity of healing this, but you have power. You have beautiful power to make the world a better place because we need more healthy, powerful people. We need healthy, powerful people that aren’t operating from power because, look, I’m a man and I’m good and I’m strong. And look at these powerful positions I have. And now I can make a big difference because I have these positions and I have the money. 

But no, like actual power, power of love. I know that sounds so cheesy, but genuinely there is nothing more powerful than operating from love, right? Think about being a parent. What is the most powerful, like how can you make the most powerful difference in your kids’ lives? It’s not by telling them they’re not good enough. It’s not by proving to your kids that you’re good enough and that you’re strong and you’re in charge. 

You make the most difference in your kid’s life when there’s just love and you’re like, hey, I see that you got an F on this test and I just love you still. It doesn’t matter. And I want to work with you on this and I’ll love you into helping you with this. But it’s from love, it’s not from anger. It’s not from you’re not good enough. You have so much more freaking power when you’re operating out of love than when you’re operating out of not good enough. 

Okay, let’s end there for today. Next week, we’re going to talk a little bit more about how to do this, how to do this. So we’re aware of the conditioning. We’re aware of how vital it is to heal. And next week I’m going to talk specifically about this masculine desire to protect and provide and how to use this and embody this in a really beautiful way instead of from a worthiness wound. 

And a lot of the protect and provide that I see, it’s kind of operating out of this worthiness wound. And I want to shift that. Again, it’s kind of coming back to this power idea. How can we have more power, like strong, beautiful, actually making a change, powerful life, not a life from I’m not good enough. 

Okay, so we’re going to talk about that next week’s episode. Thank you for being here. I love you all so much. Please come and if you’re in the program, I would love to coach you on some of this. If you’re not on my list yet, get on my list because as we offer things in the future, maybe I’ll offer a workshop on healing these worthiness wounds. It’s something I’m really passionate about and I think would be really fun to do in the future. 

So get on my list if you’re not, you can do that. Centerforovercomingpornography.com. If you’re not in the program yet, come join the program. Listen, you can come and get coached anytime as soon as you join. There’s like 24/7 coaching available through email even. Like start working through this today. All the stuff we do in Overcome Pornography For Good, it’s all worthiness wounds. You guys know that. You know, that’s my message. My message is not that there’s something wrong with you. It’s that, you know what? There’s a lot of shame here. We’ve got to heal the shame. There’s worthiness stuff we’ve got to heal. That’s why you’re viewing porn. 

So we’re doing all that work in Overcome Pornography For Good. Come join us if you haven’t yet. And if it’s available to you, we’d love to have you. Look forward to next week’s episode. Again, love you all. We’ll talk to you later. Bye bye.

I want to invite you to come and listen to my free class, How To Overcome Pornography For Good Without Using Willpower. We talk about how to stop giving in to urges without pure willpower or relying on phone filters so that you can actually stop wanting pornography. 

We talk about how to stop giving up after a few weeks or months. And spoiler alert, the answer isn’t have more willpower. And then lastly, we talk about how to make a life without porn easily sustainable and permanent. 

If you’re trying to quit porn, this class is a game changer. So you can go and sign up at Sarabrewer.com/masterclass, and it is totally free.