Episode 179: Ask a Coach: 5 Tips for Your Learn and Move On Worksheet

Welcome to the Overcome Pornography For Good podcast where we take a research-based, trauma informed and results focused approach to quitting porn. This approach has been revolutionary and changed thousands and thousands of lives. I’m your host, Sara Brewer. 

Kat: Hey, everyone, it’s Kat. I’m a coach here in the Overcome Pornography for Good program. I’m so excited to be bringing you today’s Ask a Coach question. So today is less of a question exactly, but it’s more of something that we use a lot in the Ask a Coach and that we see a lot in the Ask a Coach, which is what we call a learn and move on. 

And so this is a worksheet that we use quite frequently and that we see quite frequently in the Ask a Coach. People send in their learn and move ons because they want some feedback, maybe, about what’s going on in their learn and move on. Or they might ask a question in the Ask a Coach, and we might say, hey, did you fill out a learn and move on? What did you learn from your learn and move on? What can you share about what happened during your slip-up? 

And so we use this worksheet a lot. And because we use it a lot, I thought it might be helpful if I went over maybe five tips today, five ways that you can use the learn and move on to make it more beneficial for you, that you can really get the most out of. So if we’re going to take the time to fill it out, we might as well be making the most out of the time that we’ve spent writing things down. 

So that’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m going to share with you some tips on how to make it better. So first off, I wanted to tell you that I’m very excited, we just updated recently, there’s a new learn and move on. So if you haven’t filled out the learn and move on for a while, we’ve got an updated version. So I want you to go check it out. 

So if maybe you saved the old learn and move on to your computer, and you’re using that as your reference guide, I want you to go update it because it’s similar, but it’s not exactly the same. The way that the questions are kind of structured is a little bit different, and I think it’s better. So go check out that new version. We’re super excited about it.

We’ve already got some really good feedback from people about how much they like it better and about how it’s set up. So if you haven’t got it, go get it now. Go update your learn and move on because it is a good one. 

Okay, so let’s start with the first one. The first tip that I have for you today is that when you fill out your learn and move on, I want you to make sure you’re doing this from a grounded place. So you could be grounded in five minutes after you slip up, but sometimes it takes a little longer and that’s okay. So just check in with yourself before you start filling out your learn and move on and make sure that you’re feeling grounded. 

If you are not, there are tons of things that you can do to ground yourself. We could do some breathing exercises. Let yourself just sit in the moment with some breath and just be present for a little bit before you fill it out so that you’re not filling it out from a very judgy, a very offline brain because that’s not going to give you the best answers. So make sure that you’re grounded. That’s the first tip. 

The second tip that I want to give you today is as you fill it out, I want you to use the role of being the observer. I want you to be the observer as you fill this out. And the only way we can do that is to be grounded, so we do want to start with that step, right? So make sure you’re grounded and then you start becoming the observer. 

Watching, looking from the outside to some extent. Letting yourself be on the outside of what actually happened, looking in and kind of see what you can see from that angle because that’s going to help you get better information. Not just be in your head about it, about what happened, but being really thoughtful about what you saw, what was going on for you. 

It’s an opportunity for you to be really open and honest and maybe even a little vulnerable about what’s going on for you because that’s where you’re going to get some really good information too. So be the observer. 

Sara has used the example of being on a hill, right? Like maybe you’re sitting up on top of this hill and you’re watching the cars as they drive by. And I think that’s a really good way to think about this. Taking yourself out of that traffic situation that you’re in, traffic in air quotes, that you’re in and letting yourself just watch what happened. 

And the third thing that I want you to do, we’re going to use that same example of the cars. I want you to look at things from a different angle. So maybe typically as you’re becoming the observer, you sit on the hill and just look from the angle of being on top here, right? Like seeing all the cars, seeing this stuff. But I want you to start looking from different angles. 

Maybe taking yourself down and looking from a close up angle. Like being in the car right next to you, like being able to see what they’re seeing. Maybe being the car behind, maybe being the car on the right or the left or in front, like looking in a rear view mirror and kind of seeing what you see. That’s one way to look at it, one way to kind of see it. 

But I want you to look from different angles because just like if you are only looking from this one point of view, you’re only going to see the same thing. I’ve heard people say, my learn and move ons typically end up with the same answers. I get kind of tired of filling them out because they’re very repetitive. I end up with the same things. I’m answering in the same boxes with the same answers. And so it gets really tiresome. 

And so this can help with that, being able to look from a different angle. If you’re only looking from this one place, you’re only going to see the same thing. So we want to take ourselves out of that place as we become the observer and maybe shift positions. Shift into a different area, look at it from a different angle so that you can start seeing different things. That’s going to really up-level the information that you get from your learn and move on. 

Okay, so that’s my third point. So first, we’re going to get grounded. We’re going to become the observer. And as we become the observer, we’re going to start looking at it from different angles, right? Different places, not always from that same perspective, but change up that perspective and see what you can see. 

Okay, number four is the learn and move on is, in and of itself, its own milestone. It’s what we call in the program, a milestone that we work on. And there’s several others. And so what I like to do with the learn and move on is use it in conjunction with another milestone. 

So let’s say you’re working on urges. So we use the learn and move on, this tool, and we start to really hone in and focus on how we can up-level and do better with our urges. And as we fill out when we slip, we do it with that in mind, knowing that that’s what I’m working on. I’m working on urges. I’m working on processing urges. How can I learn more about what happened in this slip-up so that I can learn from it and do better with the milestone of urges? 

We could also, for instance, maybe our beliefs and identity, maybe we’re working on that milestone. So we might look at it as we fill out that learn and move on. We might use it in conjunction with that beliefs and identity milestone and say, hey, what are the beliefs that were there? What did I notice that created the slip up? What beliefs were present? How can I start shifting and adjusting those? 

And we can use it together with the other milestones so that we can do better in those areas. We can really use it as a way to focus and hone and find information that maybe we hadn’t seen before as we’re working on those milestones and use it as a way to collect more data to get more precise about what’s going on for us. 

So I love to use it like that. So that’s number four. We’re going to use it in conjunction with other milestones so that we can get really granular, really specific about what’s going on for us and the things that we’re working on. 

The last thing, number five, is about the last question on the learn and move on. And it’s really my favorite question on there. And it says, what other thoughts and observations do you have? It’s asking you to look over what you learned, what you filled out in the learn and move on, and then just give more. Is there anything else? What else is in your head that’s going on right now that you can put on paper? 

And I find that sometimes people skip this. And it is an easy one to maybe skip and be like, okay, I filled out the learn and move on and I can just say there’s no other, there’s nothing else. But I want to challenge you to fill that out. Don’t skip that question. There’s gold in that question. 

After working through and seeing so many learn and move ons, I find that that is probably the question that we get the, like literally the most gold out of. Like people are finding things as they fill that question out, answers to their questions, what are their next steps? Like they find all of that in that question. So don’t skip it. Make sure you’re filling out that last question. 

And if it feels hard to you, I want to challenge you to practice filling that out. See what else is there. Give yourself a couple of minutes to just really ponder that. What other thoughts do I have? What other observations might I see as I looked at this? Is there a question that we didn’t ask that maybe is coming up for you that you could answer for yourself? I think it’s so important for us. Make sure you don’t skip that question. 

Okay, that’s what I have for you today. Thank you guys so much for being here. If you need anything, make sure you’re bringing your stuff to the Ask a Coach. We love seeing your learn and move ons. And hopefully if you have any questions about how to keep up-leveling them, make sure you’re bringing them there. Can’t wait to talk to you guys again next time.

I want to invite you to come and listen to my free class, How To Overcome Pornography For Good Without Using Willpower. We talk about how to stop giving in to urges without pure willpower or relying on phone filters so that you can actually stop wanting pornography. 

We talk about how to stop giving up after a few weeks or months. And spoiler alert, the answer isn’t have more willpower. And then lastly, we talk about how to make a life without porn easily sustainable and permanent. 

If you’re trying to quit porn, this class is a game changer. So you can go and sign up at Sarabrewer.com/masterclass, and it is totally free